I want to be honest to myself, so let me tell you a secret.

It's been a long time since I last admitted to myself that I loved somebody. And I think I'm feeling it again.

Let's name her Anne. She had been my classmate ever since third year college. She's beautiful, soft-spoken, genuinely kind, and very well-known (that might give you a clue as to how beautiful she really is - she's considered one of the prettiest of the batch). I had admired her from the beginning; after all, who wouldn't be attracted to someone who's an embodiment of elegant womanhood?

She'd been in a relationship even before we met (it's with some good-looking famous fellow), and she still was in it when we became friends. I was fond of her, but I didn't mind her having a guy. She looked happy with him, anyway.

As time passed by, we became closer (thank heavens our surnames weren't far from each other - that means we always sit close when it's on alphabetical order). She'd tell me stories. How we felt our studies weren't going our way. The sweet deeds her boyfriend does to her. Things like that. It was fun, sitting with her, laughing our way through experiments, tests and sentiments.

I did not notice, or maybe I just did not admit it to myself: but, oh well. I was falling for her. Then again, I knew it'd be a fruitless thing with a foreseeable ending: I fall, she doesn't, another hurtful interlude, end of story. So I never did anything about it. I'm happy with what we have, anyway.

And then, just recently, I heard that she and her boyfriend broke up.

I was a bit flabbergasted. How could a couple so sweet, apparently perfect, break up?

I don't mean to be assuming, or boasting, or something like that, but she suddenly seemed to want to have me closer (as we were already close before this). She spoke to me more often. She'd always be by my side. We talked more, she opened up more, about her family and childhood, but never about 'the breakup'. I figured she'd still be hurting.

Even so, it's not fair. I might, might be just a sack of support from her fall, but if she shows me that I'm important to her as well, that I'm a person she can hold on to, I don't know if I can stop myself from loving her completely. I heard rumors that they were back together, I'm not sure if it's true, she's not telling me anything - but she still makes me feel.. special, in some ways.

I, too, have thought of the fact that she's just playing with my feelings. But if you're me, and you're at the receiving end of all her kindness, you can't say that. You just can't. It's, well, different.

Don't do this to me. I might love you completely. And hurt myself in the end. I don't want that. You're not fair. Oh, darn. This sounded like a lovelorn teenager's love story. But it's a secret, so it should sound anything unlike me, right?