I was walking out of our house's front door this morning, when I suddenly thought, "I'm so tired."

I'm not sure, all of a sudden my feelings of exhaustion and incompleteness just surfaced. Maybe it's the after-effect of sleeping late these days. But, I know it's something more. My life nowadays always pass the same way: wake up, accomplish and act on academic responsibilities, sleep. Unchanging, senseless existence. Once I heard from my sister that someone said, when you stop seeking for materialistic pleasures and superficial desires, and instead search for worth, reason, those intangible treasures, then, you have transcended mortal longing. I might have done that "transcend" thing a long time ago.

So tired. So tired. I'm so tired. Express myself more, find true happiness - that's what I really want to do. I'm tired of living this life where you have to earn money to feel fulfilled, and slave yourself, forgetting how to be a human being in the process. I want to be free; I know my spirit is, but my world isn't. In any way possible, I want to move; be it a drive away or having a hand to pull me and lead me to bliss. Yes, that'd be nice.

Why are we so fascinated with sex? In my world, where nine out of ten people are virgins, just the mention of the word ignite a certain excitement. Is it because people wonder how it would really feel? Is it because sex is plastered all over the media, literature, arts even?

I think I know why people are so enthused with sex - and everything connected to it.

Society segregates children and adults; and so does everything else. Most of us are at a loss; we don't know what the boundary is between being a child and becoming an adult. Sex is something that only grown-ups do - and at some point we realize that the only way to recognize ourselves as a full-fledged adult is to 'do it'. Once you've experienced it, you can never return to childhood - that's the way it goes.

Still, even those who had already experienced it, but have not yet found answers, act awkward towards the deed. Desire, uncertainty, restlessness - messing up their beliefs, their perceptions. I've realized once that age does not always equate to aged wisdom; maybe some older folks haven't even considered themselves as 'grown-ups'.

I suppose nearly everyone wants to grow up at some point in life, and prove that they really did. But I should tell you that the day will come when you won't think of every sexual encounter as something life-changing, and be on terms with the understanding that there's more to maturity than just feeling the opposite gender's body.

Then sex wouldn't be life-changing nor fascinating; it will just have its meaning.

I don't crave for someone who's out-of-this-worldly pretty. I never wished for someone who's rich, someone who's stylish nor someone who's hot. I surely am not hoping for someone who's perfect to appear. A subtle quiet beauty could already make me happy.

Celine, of my most-cherished movies Before Sunrise and Before Sunset, then said, "I always feel this pressure to be independent and not look like my life is revolving around some person. But, loving someone, and being loved, means.. so much to me. I always make fun of it and stuff, but isn't everything worth doing in life, a way to be loved a little more?"

I'm 'damaged goods'. I've been through so much pain that even I am doubtful whether I can be good enough for women anymore. Despite that, I'm certain of one thing: although I'm scarred, I'm sure I am still capable of loving a woman; someone whom I can talk to and never feel the need to hide anything..

I have so much affection in store within me right now, and I'll wait for that kindred soul to come along so I could give it all to her. And when that person whom I'll cherish the most arrives, I'll make sure her happiness never ends.. That I can promise.