I'm still here, I'm still here.
This must've been the longest time I haven't written anything. I mean, absolutely nothing. Well, except for that handwritten letter I have given to the woman I was talking about on my previous (long-due) post. And I still don't know what to write about, now. But I have felt the lust to write something, anything, before my thoughts eat my self away.
Graduation has passed and now I'm reviewing for a licensure examination. But, really, I don't want to talk about that. I know it should be my top priority, yes, but I just.. don't find it important enough. I mean, I could be doing great things now, right? I'm out of school. I should be off exploring the world, or getting a suitable and thrilling job, or studying different places while meeting all kinds of people. But here I am, stuck on another thing I do not wish to do, again following society's ill-believed norms (that titles are necessities and a high-paying job and career makes the world go round) and laying my supposedly life on the line just for an engineering license.
***
It's been ages since I last talked wholeheartedly with the woman I love (yes, the one who took two posts, I think). And it feels like we're to be leading different lives now. How fast time make herself seem to fly. I know I still have feelings for her, but I guess things are easier to bear when you don't enjoy the luxury of always being together - graduation tore the remaining together-time we had apart.
Actually, I have already told her everything I wanted to tell; all those hold-backs and emotions kept inside. Not for anything grand but just for the honesty. I told her it'll be all right; that she didn't need to worry about anything trivial (example: my feelings), and that she shouldn't take my bare honesty as something to cause more distance between us - but rather, it's me being completely open to her. Secrets cause distance; I've learned once upon a time.
Now we talk once in a while - but never did those talks have the same warmth of what we once had. I have no idea what's running inside that fickle, peculiar heart of hers; but at the same time, I have no idea what I am supposed to do. Old cliche - you know, that hang-on or move-on quandary. Sigh. Let's set that aside for the moment, shall we? I don't want to wallow on sad fairy tales being story-told yet again.
***
I had planned to take up Korean languages to kill time last summer. I thought the review classes wasn't starting up until early June. But depressingly, classes commenced last April. That meant no time for my half-baked attempt to learn to yell "Anyeong haseyo" properly.
This must've been the longest time I haven't written anything. I mean, absolutely nothing. Well, except for that handwritten letter I have given to the woman I was talking about on my previous (long-due) post. And I still don't know what to write about, now. But I have felt the lust to write something, anything, before my thoughts eat my self away.
Graduation has passed and now I'm reviewing for a licensure examination. But, really, I don't want to talk about that. I know it should be my top priority, yes, but I just.. don't find it important enough. I mean, I could be doing great things now, right? I'm out of school. I should be off exploring the world, or getting a suitable and thrilling job, or studying different places while meeting all kinds of people. But here I am, stuck on another thing I do not wish to do, again following society's ill-believed norms (that titles are necessities and a high-paying job and career makes the world go round) and laying my supposedly life on the line just for an engineering license.
***
It's been ages since I last talked wholeheartedly with the woman I love (yes, the one who took two posts, I think). And it feels like we're to be leading different lives now. How fast time make herself seem to fly. I know I still have feelings for her, but I guess things are easier to bear when you don't enjoy the luxury of always being together - graduation tore the remaining together-time we had apart.
Actually, I have already told her everything I wanted to tell; all those hold-backs and emotions kept inside. Not for anything grand but just for the honesty. I told her it'll be all right; that she didn't need to worry about anything trivial (example: my feelings), and that she shouldn't take my bare honesty as something to cause more distance between us - but rather, it's me being completely open to her. Secrets cause distance; I've learned once upon a time.
Now we talk once in a while - but never did those talks have the same warmth of what we once had. I have no idea what's running inside that fickle, peculiar heart of hers; but at the same time, I have no idea what I am supposed to do. Old cliche - you know, that hang-on or move-on quandary. Sigh. Let's set that aside for the moment, shall we? I don't want to wallow on sad fairy tales being story-told yet again.
***
I had planned to take up Korean languages to kill time last summer. I thought the review classes wasn't starting up until early June. But depressingly, classes commenced last April. That meant no time for my half-baked attempt to learn to yell "Anyeong haseyo" properly.
Somewhere far away - I would love to take a vacation, and on a more long-term scale, to work at Korea. I mean, it's a unique place (disregarding the infamous war on North Korea - or so I've heard). There are a lot of places to go there, not to mention the rich culture. Plus, their women are a sight to behold. Ha-ha!
If I could still pull myself to, I'd continue with my plans on Korean lessons. It wouldn't hurt to learn another language. And the positive part is that these things can in fact help me find a wider selection of opportunities and jobs - because truthfully, being multilingual is an edge on the outside world.
***
Friendships and close ties. I've been currently, continuously, seeing its raw worth.
Just days ago, I went out with my friends from high school. The old crowd. We hanged out - the same old crap we do - played some bowling, ate at a resto with unlimited rice, laughed about. And we told each other how we were all doing. Most of my friends are already part of the workforce. They are already seeing life as it is. But still, they're the same old people; funny, childlike (at least when we're around one another), listeners, people you can just close eyes with and savor the moment of everlasting hilarity. The comfort they bring - it never gets old, like a worn-out pillow that you can still take out and lay your head on when the world takes too much of your life away.
People from my beloved college class are also just jumping around the corner. Despite the dismal state of a life that is mine, they never fail to make me spit my brains out in merry amusement. In my review class, I am with a set of friends who were with me when my car tire went flat; when it was raining and I had not brought an umbrella, and when I felt like ditching the class itself. They're one of a kind. Really. Never had a dull moment with them.
I'm not looking for another woman to love, but nevertheless, I am happy that some women I am closest to are telling me their stories and hearing my own as well. It's very much different when you tell your thoughts to a woman - they're more mature, more sensible, and understanding; qualities that my (pretty much insane) male friends probably do not possess. They hear me out - and that's what I think I need the most now. Souls who could listen and understand.
If I could still pull myself to, I'd continue with my plans on Korean lessons. It wouldn't hurt to learn another language. And the positive part is that these things can in fact help me find a wider selection of opportunities and jobs - because truthfully, being multilingual is an edge on the outside world.
***
Friendships and close ties. I've been currently, continuously, seeing its raw worth.
Just days ago, I went out with my friends from high school. The old crowd. We hanged out - the same old crap we do - played some bowling, ate at a resto with unlimited rice, laughed about. And we told each other how we were all doing. Most of my friends are already part of the workforce. They are already seeing life as it is. But still, they're the same old people; funny, childlike (at least when we're around one another), listeners, people you can just close eyes with and savor the moment of everlasting hilarity. The comfort they bring - it never gets old, like a worn-out pillow that you can still take out and lay your head on when the world takes too much of your life away.
People from my beloved college class are also just jumping around the corner. Despite the dismal state of a life that is mine, they never fail to make me spit my brains out in merry amusement. In my review class, I am with a set of friends who were with me when my car tire went flat; when it was raining and I had not brought an umbrella, and when I felt like ditching the class itself. They're one of a kind. Really. Never had a dull moment with them.
I'm not looking for another woman to love, but nevertheless, I am happy that some women I am closest to are telling me their stories and hearing my own as well. It's very much different when you tell your thoughts to a woman - they're more mature, more sensible, and understanding; qualities that my (pretty much insane) male friends probably do not possess. They hear me out - and that's what I think I need the most now. Souls who could listen and understand.
