The Solitude of Prime Numbers. I have just finished this book last night. It tells the story of Mattia and Alice - both scarred, unhealthy loners: Alice because of a skiing accident snowballed with her controlling father and low self-esteem, and Mattia due to a tragic incident involving his twin sister, Michela. He carried the ugly truth that it might have been his fault his sister is now gone. This burden caused him to reject any kind of sympathy and honest intentions. When the two finally meet, they recognize each other in a kindred, damaged way.

I'm really not sure how I feel now that I have ended the book. The two characters grew (or at least I think they did), but they never really got over their respective 'personal space'. There it was - invisible to both of them; in one way or another, they were keeping each other at a distance. I realized (more than I did before) that there really were some things that could happen to you, and with that, it could change how you live your life, forever. Mattia and Alice found solitude in each other: they knew that despite the growing number of the people that surround them, only the other one understood how the other truly felt. They always came back to each others' reach. Though, they never fully knew how to be together themselves. I guess some things held them back intensely.

They tried. They really did. But in the end being alone is what they were meant to become, and both of them came to terms with that. They had one another but that's all there is - they didn't need anything more than that.

I wonder - what would become of me if I end up the same as Mattia or Alice? I know I enjoy the solitude of being on my own, but the time will come and someday there would be someone who would be willing to come into my world and stay for good. That person would understand my quiet resolves, the reasons why I deprive myself of words; and she might even be able to stay still and enjoy the tender tranquil pauses I frequently resort to. I'm not completely silent every time - I can talk if I want to and if I needed to - but I am most of the time. If she comes, would I be able to keep her?

I find peace in being alone, yes. Then again, there is one thing that I am sure is different between me and the grown characters of the book - that whenever the time comes and I needed to make a choice, I'd choose to hold on, to grasp onto chances. There is no assurance, but if everyone were afraid and rejected the world - and the people who wanted to be part of theirs - in the same way that Alice and Mattia did, then we would all be just 'prime numbers': as it says, can never fit with another; isolated and lost.

Even though I might be a prime, I would be grateful to be found someday. I really will be.

The Solitude of Prime Numbers, Paolo Giordano