Lately, I have been sharing a lot of stories to a close friend - a newfound, endearing female friend, and we had this one particular conversation where we were caught up in the middle of numbering out anecdotes about ourselves that the other didn't know just yet.

By that time I have just finished watching Begin Again. I was telling her how I really enjoyed the film; and that with it being centered around the music and all, I was very much moved by its score. She then told me that she also loved the movie, and furthermore, how by the time it was about to end, she was holding back her tears. It was when she said that that I remembered how I understood something about myself long ago: the fact that I didn't know how to cry properly, and how I was especially bothered by the thought that I would never learn how to.

I also remembered how I have been meaning to write about it again.

And I also thought, that after all I have been through.. I think, I already know how to cry - or, why I cry, for a better word.

There was one thing I have realized after all that has happened to me ever since - I will only sincerely cry for (or perhaps my tears will only choose to fall on) poignant happiness, or on some hopeful thought or feeling; bittersweet but magical moments; and beautiful, beautiful music. They do not come out of either sadness or grief anymore.

It was really weird, in a way, when it first made sense to me. I mean, people usually cry out of sadness and grief, right? I was really hesitant to believe this when I first began to actually recognize the way my tears behaved. But that was it, and it was something about myself that I just had to accept: my tears will only come when they need to, when they want to - and that they decided they were reserved for something other than pain and sorrow.

Somehow I feel extremely different because of this fact. On the other hand, though, I also feel very special - because when my tears do fall, I will surely know that I must be experiencing something that really stirs up my being.


I told all of this to her, to my female friend, as part of our ongoing lovely conversation. She agreed that I was weird, but she also said that she understood.